No. No actually, no one said "videos." But I still have some for you guys. Okay, I have one so far courtesy of the good people at Just For Laughs. If you're interested in knowing waaay too much about my sex life, click here for a little giggle (or to be offended depending on who you are). More to come soon and there will be variety since I don't want my first impression to be cock jokes only (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Also, here are some lists I did for CBC's The Hour.
I think we can all agree that the holidays is a time for taking from others what they can't purchased but can't actually enjoy. And in that spirit, I last night got a call from my good friend Richard Baines who lives in Collingwood (okay, as much as you can live in Collingwood...TAKE THAT, COLLINGWOOD!). He'd bought tickets for a show that evening at Hugh's Room , righteously sponsored by Big City Blues Magazine and which I wasn't able to score tickets to as it had sold out. Well, Rich couldn't make it down from snowy C-Town because of the storm that had speedbagged the region the night before. So he gave them to me!
I went to the show with my friend Vlad from People's Poets. The show was amazing. Bobby Rush opened and put on a show that could've been followed by an hour of CPAC and still left you feeling stoked. Then David "Honeyboy" Edwards took the stage (slowly 'cause he's 93...that's right, fucking 93!) and methodically ripped the room apart. Eventually, Rush got back on stage and they brought the whole thing home flawlessly. It was trippy seeing cats who couldn't be uncool if they tried. Here was someone who wasn't playing the blues or trying to convince you he was a blues man. Here were some genuine blues men who lived and breathed it. Let's hope some of that coolness rubbed off on me. Or at least that they weren't infected with my uncoolness.
So a few of us got into a bit of debate on or around the office about this suave mo'fo:
We can't seem to agree on whether or not Condi or Belinda were in their right minds when they may or may not have banged him. So I thought I would come up with a solution.
Hope you dig it and participate. Thank you for helping to solve a national crisis. He's making out surprisingly well.
So a friend of mine told me about an episode of Oprah Winfrey (no, seriously, it was a friend not me...and even if it was me who cares? Don't judge me! God I don't even know who you are anymore!) where there was this environmental type dude (technically we're all environmental type people but this guy was on tv) who had easy breezy tips to save loads of http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifenergy that weren't that time consuming. I couldn't find his site but here are some handy sites I did find. The first is a lot quicker and to the point but if you're feeling like a little reading check out the One-Tonne Challenge site that has a lot of interesting goodies on how to prevent our grandkids from having to wear sunblock while they sleep.
Here's something I did and why you shouldn't do it...
Sometimes spam leaks into your inbox. Sometimes you have a bad day and are crabby. Here's what happens when those two wonderful elements come together. Below is an email I received from a championship spammer and underneath that is my reply. It makes for good reading I think.
--- Mr Henry Carr wrote:
---------------------------------
Dear Ref:234/U, We are very sorry for the late response,Your mail has been received and we appreciate your correspondence with our company we will immediately commence with the following process of verifying your identity.We have provided and open a file with our accounting departmetment to facilitate our business relationship. if you are still interested in being our representative,Please re-comfirm to us :-
1.Your full names. 2.Your telephone/fax numbers. 3.Your full contact address. 4.Your Sex 5.Your Age 6.Your Occupation
We will mail you with your approval correspondence on the completion of our procedure to enable us commence with the next step.Once again we want to use this medium to reafirm ourpledge to this relationship/partnership. We will appreciate that you confirm the receipt of thismail for further correspondence. Thanks, Mr.Henry Carr
(It should be noted that I of course didn't email this jackass.)
Dear Mr. Carr Thank god! I was starting to wonder what was taking you so long so that we could start our business relationship already! Lol. To answer your questions:
1, Cunty McSnatchTwat 2,1-900-ass-fuck 3,My full address is: Your mom's place, Whoreville, USA, 90210 4,I am a pre-op transvestite but I still have balls for you to lick. I'll be able to mail them to you after the operation. 5,My full age is just old enough to stuff your mom's Twitchet or Pooter to use the scientific term (Vertical Bacon Sandwich if you're using metric). 6.I am currently employed full time fucking various orifices belonging to your mom (including and not limited to her Balloon Knot and Cooleyhopper or Hairpie if you will). Please contact her for a reference.
Again, I must reiterate that it is imperative that we begin our business relationship as soon as possible,Mr. Carr as I very much look forward to shitting in your mouth.
Yours in Christ
C. McSnatchTwat Esq.
Of course, as cathartic as this was, now they have my addy and my inbox has become spam nation. The moral of the story, if you're going to fuck Henry Carr's Mom's Spam Fritter, keep it on the lowlow.
Hey, everybody! Just wanted to drop a line to all the cool kids who helped me ease gracefully into my old(er) age. I had a great time and you guys rock. Aw gees, I'm getting all misty...or maybe that's pepper spray leftover.
